I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
