We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
