just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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