Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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