I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
