Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
NoShamevember. You game?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
