If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
