Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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