You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
