i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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