i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
