this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
