Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
