can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
