belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
