If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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