theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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