I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
