Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
