Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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