Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
