So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
