My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
