Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
