I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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