I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
