haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
