dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
These tits shall not be calmed
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
