Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
