i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
