This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
