Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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