What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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