my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
