Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
