I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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