and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just blew my weed a kiss
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
