Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
