She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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