dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Your penis caused this!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
