I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
