planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
