this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
