sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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