Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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