If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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