She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I think a kid would responsible me up
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
