it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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