OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
