Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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