2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
