That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Randomize
