sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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