I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If that was your dad, he is hot
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
