When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
