I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
