Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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