We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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