i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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