Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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