chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
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