so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
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Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
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Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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