That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Did I show you my penis last night?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
