U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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