Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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