Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
