You really coming over, don't trick.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
