The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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