i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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