Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
